At a loss for words

Man, time is flying by at warp speed. I guess that's to be expected when you try to live one day at a time. Ryder is almost 2 months old. Benjamin is speaking real words that grown ups can understand. It is almost fall. Kim is about to celebrate a birthday. Dove season is here and I have not shot at one since I got sober 1,521 days ago. That has got to be rectified this season. I may even go deer hunting, since I've been invited to a couple of places. There are so many things to do, people to see, and places to go. Living one day at a time helps keep the stress bugs at bay.

Lately I've been thinking about healing, sickness, injuries, health, and healthcare. A lot of people think that miracle healing was a first century Christian phenomenon. Every living being has been healed of something many times. For example, a simple cut will heal all by itself with no apparent help. A broken bone will mend straight if it is "set" or realigned, or mend crooked if left unset. The body is designed for healing. So why then is it so difficult to believe in "big healings"?

A guy named G.K. Chesterton who lived in the late 1800's wrote: "The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried." How true and sad for us and those around us. So, looking back at the years before sobriety, I remember being sick at least once a year. I have not been sick since 2006, as best I can remember. I also had liver disease from alcoholism and an esophagus that was virtually closed up with scar tissue. My innards are all as they should be, my blood pressure is in the just right zone, and my cholesterol numbers are all good. I believe God healed my liver and esophagus, and just claiming daily victory that He has for me has done the rest. I thank God for my health everyday.

The "Christian ideal" is difficult, because of my sinful nature. But having tried, it and continuing to try it, God has proven himself to be all powerful and totally trustworthy. Living a Christian life is not easy, especially having to unlearn old ways of thinking and doing things that have been in place for decades. But day by day in every way I'm getting better. Life is worth living because my saviour, Jesus, lives.

I really want my grandchildren to remember me as a man after God's own heart. A man who is quick to laugh, slow to anger, and always loving. When they are older, I want them to know the story of how I became the man I am, and see the victor and not the victim. I want them to see a man who loves God, his family, and life; who is not afraid to face each day but sees it as an adventure in every circumstance. I want them to see a man who does not want or need to control them or others, but a man who prays for God's will to be done in their lives as well as his own.

I hope I live long enough to become "a man after God's own heart" I thank God that I am closer today than I was yesterday.

It occurs to me that this blog hasn't been as much about riding motorcycles as I thought it would be. Having said that I think I'll ride tomorrow and see what lies over the next hill.

Keep the shiny side up.

Super powers are hard to give up.

It has been a struggle letting go of something that has been apart of me for so long. I'm talking of my super powers. We all have them, or think we do. We all somehow know what other people are thinking or are going to think about us. We stay up late making contingency plans for the events that will take place in the future. Sometimes we get so mad at the people involved with future events that we take preventive action and cut them out of our lives. Sometimes we get disappointed at a person when they don't react the way we had envisioned. Yes, super powers are not always reliable.

This week our refrigerator quit working. There was a time when events such as this would cause me to stress out, yell, cuss, and kick whatever was handy. This time my response was simply to tell Kim "this really isn't blessing me". But in a way it is blessing me. I have the opportunity to marvel again at how God is changing me from the inside. It is also amazing how the change in me is reflected in Kim's attitude as well. She didn't have to watch me drink and obsess over something beyond both of our control, and knew everything would work out just as it is supposed to. So I searched the internet high and low looking for the new refrigerator that would just fit in the space available, (not as easy as you might think), and found one at Lowes. Then, she asks me if it is available in black, so as to match our other appliances. So the sea ch began anew. Last night I looked at the Lowes website, found the brand we wanted, in black, and the right size. Oh yeah, it was now on sale 10 % off and they will deliver, setup, and take away the old one for no additional charges over the purchase price. We also calculated that the icemaker will pay for the new refrigerator in about two years by me not buying ice 2 to 3 times a week.

God is so much better at being God than I am. The more I trust Him, the more I am blessed. I'm really going to try and trust Him with other stuff this week, and if He does a good job with that, I think of something new while trying not to take back anything. Progress not perfection is good enough for me right now.

Today I've been sober for 1,493 days.

Both of my grandsons are awesome.

My wife and daughters are simply amazing, and God is always good.

Keep the shiny side up

Busy week

Monday's post was pregnant with upcoming events, whether they were mentioned or not. The "have not because ask not" will be the topic of this Sunday's Bible study; Ryder Cullen Bricker, #1 grandson courtesy of Whitney and Jeremy came into this world on Tuesday, July 13, (excellent job you two). Jon and Benjamen saw to it that Kristi made it back from Illinois in plenty of time for the birth. Friday morning I cooked a ton of food for the kids, and whoever else is hungry, and was just about worn out, when neighbor David invited me to go walkabout via motorcycle. After checking with Kim, it was determined that my usefulness was pretty much over when I delivered the food, so be careful and have fun.

Twenty four hours and 450 miles later, a blog update is in progress. I have pretty much experienced all the great things in life this week. I saved money for the family with ATT, doubled the number of grandsons, my kids are all safely where they belong after journeys and hospital stays, my wife loves me and is honing her spoiling skills to new levels, God has shown me great and wondrous things in His Word and His World, and my bike got 49 miles per gallon on the way home. Oh, I almost forgot today is 1,472 days sober, Wow. It just gets better and better.

Keep the shiny side up.

you have not, because you ask not

My modem died last week. I bought a new one at the AT&T store. While there I asked if I could save any money by canceling my land line. I was told yes, I could save some $40.oo a month. Since this was on Saturday, we had to wait until Monday so as not to interrupt my Internet service when the phoneline was canceled. Monday, the local AT&T rep got me in touch with the "official" AT&T customer service rep. This lady said I could keep my landline and increase the speed of my internet and save $37.65 each month. When asked why I wasn't getting the services for this amount before, she simply explained that I had not asked for it.

A couple of months ago my sister got a motel room for a lot less than Kim and I got ours for. When we asked her how, she said that she asked for a cheaper rate.

This has got me to thinking about James 4:2 which says we do not have because we do not ask. Jesus said ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened.

Can it be really that simple? Can I just ask and expect to receive? One thing is certain, the odds of receiving are a lot greater if I ask than they are if I do not. I had always assumed that asking, seeking, and knocking were just between me and God because it was "in the Bible". Asking, seeking and knocking seems to be about life on planet earth. Another thing I noticed as I thought, and that was sometimes when I ask I place limits or conditions on the prospective giver. Before I got sober, I prayed every night that God would take the desire to drink from me, and I would make various offers of my services and behaviours in return. It was not until I prayed in desperate surrender for God to make me sober with total willingness to do anything it took, that He did for me what I couldn't do for myself.

This train of thought is going to require some more mulling before it is concluded.

This promises to be an exciting week. Yesterday I receive my "Freedom Cross" for 4 years of sobriety. Today I did the ATT deal. Friday, Ryder (newest grandson) will arrive, unless Whitney goes into labor before then. I can't imagine anyone being more blessed than I am. Life in the Light is good.

Keep the shiny side up.

My, how time flies.

It's been three weeks since my last post. This weekend Kim and I celebrated 34 years of marriage. It really doesn't seem that long. Whitney should be delivering grandson #2 (Rider), within the next couple of weeks. I rode to Ft. Davis in the Davis mountains and spent the weekend last week.

Ft. Davis is 337 miles from here, most of it thru flat hot west Texas. My neighbor, Ben, and I left at about 3:00 a.m. Saturday and rode thru the night to miss the hot part of the day. Sunrise found us headed south on Hwy 118 with the mountains barely discernible on the southern and western horizon. In less than two hours of straight dessert riding we found ourselves in the midst of breathtaking granite mountains. There was a sweet smell in the air that I could not identify, but I would like to stay there just to enjoy that aroma. I was reminded of the line from "Wild Hogs" where William Macy's character describes John Travolta's cologne as a smell between a lawyer and a cowboy. It didn't smell like that, I was just reminded of the line because I do not have the words to describe it.

This is a picture from atop the mountain in Ft. Davis State Park. Man, that's a good looking motorcycle. I packed a lot of stuff, as this was my first camping adventure. I learned a lot about what I need to take, and just as important what I don't need to take.

We rode to an observation site that was built for viewing the Marfa lights, on Saturday which is where the sunset pictured below was taken. The lights did not appear for us that night, but it was a good ride and the facilities were awesome. I recommend you take your own chair if you go.

There will definitely have to be another trip as we did not get to go to the McDonald Observatory due to weather, and I have to give the Marfa lights another chance.

Sunday morning broke early, and I rode to the mountain top alone to be with the Father. I enjoyed a quiet time of reflection and meditation. Basically I stood amazed and humbled at the beauty that God had created, and gave thanks. This was also Father's day. I was wishing my family could see what I see, and feel what I feel in that moment. Four years ago I was at risk of losing both my family and my life. But a loving and all powerful God heard my prayers and those of my wife and freed my from the bonds of my addiction. One week from today I will have been sober for 4 years. Thank you, Jesus.

All in all, it was a good Fathers day. Keep the shiny side up.

Wooo Hooo, I struck it rich

This has been a weird week. Except for anger, selfishness, and being judgemental, I was pretty well behaved. I have to really look at the things that frustrate and anger me, because I believe that these things must live inside of me as well. Before I became self aware it was ok to be angry, selfish and judgemental, because I was always right, or in the right. Now I must look thru the lens of "if you spot it you got it", and that sucks.

There are untold numbers of paths to poverty, death, and destruction; all of them paved ever so nicely with good intentions and incorrect knowledge. We must always be willing to unlearn things that are not true, before we are able to learn. Proverbs 27:22 tells me that you cannot remove folly from a fool. I suppose a fool is someone who is unwilling to learn and therefore unteachable. I've been foolish many times, though hopefully not for too long.

On my desk lies a counterfeit 5 dollar bill, that was given to me Tuesday by one of my customers. I obviously did not know it was fake until later in the day when I had time to sort my money. So there I was sorting by denominations and this one bill stands out amongst its brethren as odd. Upon realization the thinking process begins: Who gave this to me? Did they do it on purpose? What should I do with it? Should I turn it in with my deposit to the company and let them take the loss? Should I pass it in change to an unsuspecting customer who is not my favorite? Should I pass it at a store to a young clerk who is easily tricked? Should I call the police and turn it in?

I looked back over all of the customers who could have been guilty, and decided the ones most likely to have passed it probably did not know it was fake. These people would not intentionally do that to me. If I passed it on to the company or someone else, I would be not only stealing, but committing a federal crime. More importantly it would be wrong and I would know it. It's only five dollars, but five dollars can make an important difference in some one's life.

My self esteem, integrity, honor, and my soul is not for sale for 5 dollars. I will not carry the shame of intentionally hurting someone else. Monday I will turn the bill over to the police because it is the right thing to do. I can afford to do this because I am rich. All of my bills are paid and there is money in my pocket. More importantly I have a family who loves me, and friends who love me. And I can love me because a merciful God loved me first and forgives me always: and gives me wisdom to do the right thing and become a man of integrity.

It has been 3 years, 11 months, and 1 day since my last drink. My how time flies when you are doing the next right thing.

Keep the shiny side up.

Ben Franklin once said "Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five." I think this is probably true. I also think the "dead" can rise again.

There are many causes of death. There is fear, laziness, envy, greed, addiction, selfishness, despair, ignorance, duty, guilt and probably others. These are the things that come to mind right now. Character defects are a great destroyer of life.

I spent many years as a walking dead man, and the character defects listed combined to be my undoing. During these years I did not know who I was, where I was going, or why I was going. Somewhere along the way the passion for life was hijacked, and I was left with going thru the motions, clouded by emotions and no sense of direction and purpose. These years are blurred and in black and white in my mind, with occasional bursts of color and clarity. Somehow, religion took the place of spirituality; duty took the place of passion; envy and greed stole prosperity, selfishness and guilt took away my joy. Alcohol and drugs were the medicine used to try to regain life. But there is no life in addiction. God gave me the great gift of desperation which took me to a place where I could let go and let Him lift me up and bring restoration and rebirth.

"How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, and resolution enough to mend them." Ben Franklin.

In this one statement by Mr. Franklin, he summarizes steps 4 thru 8 of the program of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Even before Mr. Franklin and A.A. was the sermon on the mount spoken by Jesus.

I was resurrected from the "dead" 1,419 days ago. Today I am a victor, not a victim. Today I live in joy a life of passion and hope. Today I prosper. Today I love. Today I dream. Today I ride. Today I give thanks. Today I pray. Today I serve. Today life is in vivid, vibrant color. Today the shadows and darkness flee the Light that lives in me.

Today I truly Live.

God is always good. That makes me glad.

Keep the shiny side up.

Life is a drama

I've never understood suicide. Even in the depressions of adolescence, when drink and drugs became my friends, I did not understand suicide. I suppose the foundation in church and accepting Jesus at the age of 10 may have given me just enough protection not to contemplate going in that direction. I open the blog with these thoughts because we buried my brother in law David D, who took his own life a couple of weeks ago. He left behind my baby sister and two really cute kids. I believe he is with our Lord now, but his premature departure from this life, I believe is because he forgot who he was, and more importantly "Whose" he was. We sing a praise song in church that says " I know who I am, I am Yours and You are mine, Jesus you are mine." This is an important thing to know.

I've experience many seasons walking close with God, and even more separated from God. In the times of separation, it was always me that moved away or drifted away. God is always faithfully present. Each week when I open our Sunday school class is the same. I say "God is a gentleman. He only comes when invited, He only stays where He is welcome, and He will not take anything from us that we won't let go of."
This is a great truth, and it is so simple, it seems impossible to learn and live this truth.

In my journey thru life so far there have been many dark places. In those dark places selfishness led me to fear, anger, resentments, jealosies, worries, and other things which led to alcoholism, lying, illness to near death, and financial calamity. Having identified and faced these defects of my character, and surrendered them to an all powerful and completely trustworthy God, I no longer walk in the darkness. I live in an incredible world of light, and am amazed at what God has done and is doing in me, for me, and thru me. I look around at other people who are walking in the light after a long journey thru the darkness and we see the miracles that we are. I also see that darkness isn't limited to those of us with chemical addictions. The darkness can be just as deadly in people pleasers, perfectionists, low self esteemers. Fear is a deadly cancer that basicly stems from a lack of trust in God. I wish I could bestow the freedom I experience daily by just waving my hands or something. But it all goes back to the fact that God is a gentleman.

Today I have been sober 1,408 days. That is so cool.

Monday I rode to the Wichita mountains in Oklahoma and ate a hamburger with a couple of friends. We then rode to the top of Mount Scott, the third highest mountain in Oklahoma. The view was spectacular. I had to be at work on Tuesday so I rode home alone. Total miles was 523. I couldn't have experienced or enjoyed that 1,409 days ago. God is always good.

Keep the shiny side up.

Wild at heart

It may or may not be true, but I believe I was born wild. Most men probably are. These men I understand. I have always questioned authority, sometimes successfully, the other times I learned. Not always on the first try, though. I got married at a very early age, and stayed married to the girl I wanted, who I suppose God chose for me. I've never wanted another woman, and I honestly cannot see myself with anyone else ever again. Thanks God, good job.

I rode with the guys to Stonewall a couple of weeks ago. It was great fun. One of the great things about a motorcycle is that it has one seat. The fellowship was fun, but I was most happy riding down the road with the wind in my face and the voice of God in my ears. Our host on this trip had a "plan" for the weekend which included routes and meals....It worked out ok. I rode some 750 miles over the weekend, but could have easily done over 1,000. I would probably go every where alone, but the "buddy system" is a good idea, in the event something bad happens. Its also a good idea when something awesome happens.

Sometimes I feel how an old testament prophet must feel. I could just disappear into the wilderness for awhile, come back and tell everyone "thus says the Lord" and get on the road again. My life is not as cluttered as it was when I drank. The more I simplify the closer I feel to God, and the wildness in me comes closer to the surface. God likes me simple. He has given me great power which I must use only for good. He has gifted us all with power, but must of us don't know it or believe it. I love the wild things God shows me. Like the "light shows" of thunder and lighting, with powerful winds. The first rays of sun painting the sky shades of colors that can only be experienced, not described. The shadows on the ground as the sun sets in the west. I've seen it all in one day.

Now, because God is good, and has blessed me, I get to come home from my adventures in the wilderness to the woman He gave me. Then I get to enjoy my children, grandson, and the others He has placed me in a position to serve. Because it is not about me, and in that realization I find peace. It has been 1,391 days since my last drink.

Keep the shiny side up.

Motorcycle regatta

This weekend is the 4th annual Invitational Motorcycle Regatta in Stonewall Texas. I've been looking forward to this weekend. As it stands now there will be 5 motorcycles and one classic car. That is sufficient numbers. Not long after I started riding again, I joined the CMA. I soon discovered that crowds are still not my thing. A hand full of guys with similar riding skills makes for a fun, non-stressful time. Too many riders that I don't know make me nervous. In the last couple of weeks there have been motorcycles all over town. These guys seem to only ride when the weather is perfect. I wonder where they are the rest of the time. I guess I've become a snob, because I ride every day that it is not icy or already flooding when I leave the house. Riding every day has honed my skills, and I believe that I am a safer rider. I also pray everyday, a lot. I ask God for His protection, and an extra dose of it should my skills fail. This is important.

I have a new (used at the pawn shop) camera that should capture some cool scenery. My trouble with pictures, is I hate to stop once the ride begins. This time I'll try a little harder. Today marks 1,371 days without a drink. That is so cool. It's like the "drinking me" was a whole other guy whose memories I have. It is too wierd for words.

Keep the shiny side up

Paved with good intentions

I hear tell the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Every time I ever landed in trouble, good intentions were involved. I try not to intend anymore. I am rarely successful at not intending, though my intentions aren't enough to land me in trouble like they used to. My mouth, however has a mind of its own it seems.

Maybe, just maybe, by writing this down I will do a little better at controlling what I say. I never intend to hurt the feelings of others, especially those I love. There must be a mean streak in me that is fueled by my selfishness which causes me to say hurtful things to others, when things aren't going to suit me. I am going to try to "don't say anything, if I can't say something good" daily. I hope my selfishness doesn't turn me into a mute. That is enough inventory for today.

Friday, I rode to Lowake, Tx and ate a chicken fried steak dinner, rode on to San Angelo and looked for a place that sells really good sausage, but didn't find it. Then I rode home thru Nolan and Buffalo Gap. That was about 280 fun miles. Saturday evening I rode with a couple of guys to Lueders, to a candlelight service.
Sunday was church most of the day. My friend David emailed me about our upcoming motorcycle adventure in the hill country. Anticipation is a wonderful thing.

So, all that brings to mind wonderful things. There are lots of them in my life, such as: the love of a beautiful and good woman, slobbery kisses from a grandson, beautiful daughters, good friends, 1,363 days of sobriety, a fine motorcycle, having a job that helps others, warm homemade bread, good books, the Good Book, and a God that loves me, and always has my back.

Keep the shiny side up.

What's my excuse?

Adam was henpecked, Noah was a drunk, Abraham was too old, Isaac was a dreamer, Jacob was a liar, Joseph was abused, Moses stuttered, Gideon was afraid, Samson was a womanizer, Rahab was a hooker, Jeremiah and Timothy were too young, David had an affair and was a murderer, Elijah was suicidal, Isaiah preached naked, Jonah ran from God, Naomi was a widow, Job went bankrupt, John the Baptist ate bugs, Peter denied Christ, the disciples fell asleep while praying, Martha worried about everything, Paul was a religious fanatic, and Lazarus was dead.

So now I reflect on the coulda, woulda, shouldas in my life. What kind of man do I want to be? I don't recall thinking about this at the beginning of my journey into manhood. I wish someone had given me a "boy to man" talk like Robert Duvall did in the movie "Secondhand Lions". I wish I would have listened, if the talk were given to me. I was fortunate to have a good example of what a man should be in my father. He was a hard worker, respected, honest, a loving husband and father. He wasn't much of a talker though. He was overseas during my teen years when I discovered the alcohol and drugs. But that is yesterday's news.

Beginning in those teen years, I had to be different people. The dedicated employee at work, the loving husband and father at home, the party animal with my friends, and the Christian at church. Wearing this many masks cannot be good for anyone, and it's by God's grace that I and those I love survived. I'm glad I did not have sons, as I would never want them to become the kind of man I was.

I'm told that daughters want to marry a man like their dad. Apparently my flaws were hidden well enough that they managed to marry decent young men. My Bible teaches me that we all have a purpose in this world. For a long time I was lost, kind of like a ship without a rudder. I've discovered that I need the company of good men around me, in order to become the man I want to be.

I'm really thankful for second chances and do-overs. Sobriety has given me perspective on the seasons of life and the knowledge that what's done is done, but today brings new hope and new opportunities for growth. I had no idea that life could be this good. This life is good because God is good. Today is good because God made it. I am not perfect, and based on the Bible characters in the paragraph above, nobody else is. God uses imperfect people to fulfill His perfect plan, and we all have a part and purpose in that plan. The trick, I think, to successful living lies in being willing to let go and let God use me however He wants to. I need to be honest with myself, and surround myself with good men who know me well enough to hold me accountable when I show signs of going off course.

Today is my 1,353rd day without a drink. That makes me glad.

Keep the shiney side up.

One day at a time

My Big Book tells me that my disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. As I reflect on the past 1,349 days, it occurs to me that today is all I really have. Each of us has today. Today is enough for me. Today is the first day of daylight savings time, which is the beginning of the good part of riding season. I'm not really sure what riding season is though, since I ride every day. Today I went to church and did not teach Sunday School. That was different and weird, but cool, as I had the opportunity to learn from Bishop Rob. I like learning new things. I believe that as long as I can learn something new, and unlearn something wrong that I thought was true, then I will never grow old. My body might, but I won't.

A young grandmother in our church celebrated her first year of clean and sober time. Her whole family was there. I couldn't help but notice some of the toughest men I know, (brothers of mine) weeping tears of joy along with this young woman and her family. We too know what its like to be freed from bondage, and celebrating with one another never gets old.

Rob reminded me that opportunities from God are infinite or circular, and if we miss it this time, it will come around again. There is great hope in this. I'm grateful that God allowed me to live long enough to experience sobriety. Its not that hard for me today, if I 1)pray to God, 2)go to meetings, 3)read the Good Book and the Big book, 4) Help someone else 5) oh and NOT DRINK. Then that is a succesful day.

If somehow I screw up some part of my day, today, I can simply start over. Not tomorrow, but right now. That is a part of the freedom I now enjoy. I was also reminded that we are all in, or have been, in bondage to something. Only God has the power to set us free, but since He is a gentleman, He will not take anything from us that we won't let go of.

Each day has a supply of adventures and opportunities ready for me to experience. I don't want to miss out on what God has for me by regrets of yesterday or worries for tomorrow. Life is a journey on a winding and hilly road. I don't want to miss any of it, therefore I choose to ride on thru and collect some good memories, experience, and maybe a little wisdom that can help someone else on their journey.

Keep the shiny side up.

Riding sober

When I was a little boy, motocycles were the coolest thing on the planet. Girls had not yet been invented. At the age of 15 a brand new 1970 Honda 70 became my first vehicle. A new freedom entered my life that had been a distant dream until that moment. The world of adventure was now mine for the taking. I was ready to ride from coast to coast, though I don't think I ever made it more than 5 miles past the city limit sign. The adventure doesn't have limitations like miles or weather, the adventure is the experience. If you don't ride, then you don't know.

The age of 15 was pivotal for me. In a 12 month period I discovered motorcyles, got a drivers license (motorcycle then car), discovered girls were wonderfully different creatures, discovered alcohol and drugs. I had my first job, and have been employed ever since.

In 2010 I have a Honda VTX 1300R that I rode 508 miles yesterday. I kissed the girl I discovered in 1974 before I left and upon my return. I still have a job. There has been no alcohol in me for 1,340 days in a row, and I took 2 aspirin last night. Life is a greater adventure now, more than ever.

At age 15 I was a shy skinny boy full of fear and insecurities, and felt I did not fit in, although I could act like I did. At age 54, I am a confident fat man, with little or no fear. I fit in, because I know who I am, and whose I am. I still experience fear and insecurity, but only until I remember that God is in control and is supremely trustworthy, and surender those fears to Him. Riding and God are a lot alike. If you don't ride then you don't know. If you don't know God, then you have no clue. Not everyone can or should experience the adventure and experience of the open road on a bike, but everyone should and can experience the adventure and experience of a life submitted to an awesome God who loves us more than we can possibly imagine.

Keep the shiny side up.

Practice what I teach

Christianity by its very nature should be inclusive, and not exclusive. Todays church has somehow divided itself in more ways than I would want to list. Based on what I've read and experienced of various denominations in my life, each "church" says they believe the same basic things. However in practice, not so much. This is why movements like the Walk to Emmaus are so cool because the labels come off and we are all one "body.
 It seems to me that unity in the Body of Christ begins with me and my relationship with God, thru Jesus Christ. If that relationship is on the right track, and I am seeking to live in, and do the will of God in all aspects of my life, then it follows that my family will begin to try to do the same thing. When my family becomes unified with Christ at the Head, then our position in our local church (the body of Christ)becomes affected. First affected are the people we are close to, who are striving for unity with the will of God, then the people who see God moving in our lives. Christianity is a lifestyle of attraction not promotion.

We don't need gimmicks, special programs, or taglines to "sell" the Christian lifestyle. All we really need is our story. Our story is simply how our life was before Jesus, what happened, and what it is like now. Our stories are not so much told to others, but lived out before them. There can be absolutely no arguement with what is seen in our actions. We either live what we believe, or we do not.

If I am living my life to glorify God, it is obvious. If I am living to glorify me, it is shamefully obvious. When I am worried, angry, resentful, judgemental, etc. I am demonstrating a lack of trust in a totally trustworty God. When I absolutely trust God, and allow Him to manage my life, things work out so much better. Daily, I must die to my selfish nature, and surrender to God's will. It is not a crutch or a cop out, it is claiming the promises God has for me.

The above post was written yesterday, but I wanted to sleep on it before I posted.  Yesterday was an unusual day in that I didn't screw up hardly at all.  Somehow, I nipped the selfishness, and judgementalism in the bud before it could take root.  Today went pretty good as well.  God placed a woman, fresh out of recovery in my taxi today.  She wanted to go to the liquor store, and we went.  But I think our conversation may have messed up her drinking for today. I invited her and her husband to COTR.  We shall see what unfolds.  As for me, today marks 1,336 days since my last drink.  How cool is that?

For the record, I don't actually count each day.  There is a calculator on my computer that tells me how long since my last drink.  If you are disappointed, get over it.  It's not about you.

Keep the shiny side up.

This is the Day

Today, my grandson, Benjamin celebrates his first birthday party. I'm really looking forward to it for several reasons. 1) He is a really cool baby and he loves his pappy. 2) I will be sober and interested in him, not me. 3) There will be cupcakes. 4) He is one year closer to getting the really cool toys.

At one year old, life really is all about you. If Ben could express in words, he might say " Wow, look at all of these people that are here to do for me what ever I want." And its true. There is nothing we (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles) wouldn't do for this child. How blessed he is to be so loved by so many. I think being loved makes people better looking. Benjamin is genetically predisposed to being handsome, and the amount of love surrounding him makes him shine all the more.

In this world, in this day and time, we tend to judge people by the way the look. It isn't right, but it is true. But in actuality, beauty really is "inside the skin". I know a lot of people who are unattractive by the world's standards, but are some of the most beautiful people I know. When you see someone who has taken the worst the world has to offer, who has been thru the degradation of addiction and abuse, that has chosen to let God into their lives, you are witnessing a chrysalis. The ugly duckling becomes the swan. As we learn to love, and to lose interest in selfish things, we begin to walk in the blessings God has for us. It is never too late, this side of the grave, to surrender the old and ugly, and put on the new and beautiful. God didn't make no junk, when he made each of us. He has a purpose, and part of that purpose is to love Him, receive His love, and to share that love with others.

Now, I will put on a pot of beans, eat a light lunch, ride a fine motorcycle, go to a birthday party, kiss a baby, kiss my beautiful wife, hug a bunch of family, and eat a birthday cupcake. At 1,325 days sober, it don't get much better than that. Today is the day the Lord has made, and that makes me happy.

Keep the shiny side up.

Riding Free

Today I went to "Men's group" at church. It is not Bible study, though the Bible is used. It is a time of fellowship, and a time to talk about the problems and solutions for men in today's times. I'm sure there are many other places and groups where men can come together and be honest with themselves and each other, though I've never been apart of a group like that until about 3 1/2 years ago. Funny how that time period coincides with my sobriety date. Hmmm. That is also when I began to practice rigorous honesty with myself and others. There was a time when what I said and the truth rarely met in the same statement. There is truth in the statement of Jesus that "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free". This makes me glad.

Later, after a hearty breakfast. I rode to Ballinger with a couple of friends. One of them is a "new" rider, and he is just beginning to develop his skill set. I had to remember how nervous I was when I began riding a heavy cruiser. It's way different than dirt bikes and the small street bikes of my youth. Anyway, he did just fine.

There is something about following the front tire of a powerful motorcycle that is impossible to describe to someone who doesn't ride. The sights and smells of the open road are somehow heightened, more real, and personal. We only went about 150 miles today, but the renewing of my spirit was like chains of bondage falling off of me. It is often at these times when God speaks to me. Not in audible words, but in feelings, and in unexpected sights. Like topping a hill and seeing hundreds of wind turbines as far as the horizon, with one little old time windmill standing in that forest of giants by a small stock pond, as if to say "Look at me, I am your Father. Then, I think of my Father in heaven, and how He allows me to see the works of man set in the beauty of the land He created, and know that He loved me before I was a twinkle in my daddy's eye. I have so much to be thankful for, and must always remember that God has provided me with everything I need, and pretty much all I want. He really is a cool God.

Wow, I've been sober 1,319 days, and it keeps getting better and better.

Keep the shiney side up.

I will NOT take you to the dope house!!

I don't think I mentioned in the earlier posts that I am a taxi driver/dispatcher. About 4:00 a.m. yesterday I went to pick up a customer, who "did not know the exact address" but could tell me about where the house was. The "purpose of the trip was to get his mom's cell phone charger" and bring it back home. The intersection he wanted to go to is smack dab in the middle of one of the major drug areas in town. I was barely polite when I told him that I was not going to take him to buy crack. He sincerely said that he didn't do drugs, and that he wouldn't lie about the importance of getting his mom's cell phone charger. I told him that the only activity in that neighborhood at 4:00 a.m. is illegal, and "it a'int happenin', bubba. Get out." He got.

I don't know why the drug dealers in these areas aren't hassled more by the cops. They (the dealers) are so obvious, it is pathetic. It looks just like it is portrayed on television and the movies; I kid you not.

Drugs and alcohol have destroyed more lives than probably most wars. It is not a victimless crime. I don't have a solution for the overall problem, but beginning yesterday, I will not contribute to it by taking customers to do their deals. I can and will pray for those people now and in the future.

I will, however, continue to make "beerruns", as they afford me an opportunity to share a little experience, strength, and hope that there is life after alcohol.
There are four people that I know of that have been clean and sober for over a year, that God placed in the back seat of my taxi over the past 3 1/2 years. I am thankful that God allows me to be of service to Him and those who have recovered and those that someday will, if they will become willing to "let go, and let God" do for them what they cannot do for themselves.

Today, I have been sober 1,311 days. But, who is counting.

If you love someone, and you know they have a drinking or drug problem, please don't wait for them to figure it out. By then it may be too late. Seek counsel for yourself, then confront them, calmly, honestly, and with the love you have for them. That maybe all they are waiting for. I know,it is all that I was waiting for and needing.

Thank you, Maw, for finally telling me enough was enough and I wasn't fooling anyone. If you hadn't confronted me that July 4, night in 2006, I probably wouldn't be alive to write this. I love you.

Keep the shiney side up.

Where does time go?

It has been a week since my last post. I have had many thoughts, but could not find the time to post them. Today I have been sober 1,304 days. A close friend got drunk recently after over 6 years of sobriety. I am very sad for him, but he is back in the program and seems to be doing ok. Sadly, it sometimes takes someone close to you, doing something stupid, to make you realize that it can happen to anyone.

Each and every morning, before my eyes open, I thank God for today and my sobriety.
I also try to remember each and every day to pray for the following things, not necessarily in this order:

1. Family, friends, church.-(safety health and prosperity for each of them.)
2. Myself-(safety, health, sobriety, prosperity, and to be of service to God and someone else today.)
3. I always try to remember to pray that God's will be done, not mine.

I use the word "try" because I am much too self absorbed to consistently place others before me, but progress is being made.

I must never forget the desperation and hopelessness I felt at the end of my drinking days.
The idea that I can ever drink like a normal person has been smashed, and must remain smashed if I am to live. Therefore, daily I must spend time with God, who delivered me from a bondage that turns my stomach, even now when I think upon it. I must never forget to be thankful for second chances, and remember to give them to others. I must embrace, and live each day, like this is the last. Today is really all I have. I must remember that God is God, and I am not, and let Him guide my steps. He has proven to be a much better manager of my life than I ever was, and its working out real well for me.

I don't think I'll worry about where time goes today. I will post this note, make a chile, smoke a fine cigar, read a little, and maybe take a nap. Already I've kissed a pretty girl, eaten a hearty breakfast, made a toasty fire, and spent some quality time with God. If I'm really lucky, I'll get to kiss a baby and help someone, somehow today. This IS the day that the Lord has made, and it makes me glad.

Keep the shiney side up.

Day one

Today is a good day. I woke up sober. That's 1,297 in a row, but who's counting. Today, I "hard-mounted" my saddlebags after reinforcing them with some creative engineering and random things around the house. They look really good. Thanks go to my neighbor and riding buddy Ben H. for helping.


Just as I was about to take a celebratory ride, Kristi showed up with my favorite (only) grandson, Benjamin. The boy is truly a delight and is much better behaved than his mother was as I recollect.


After a very brief amount of time of spoiling young Ben, I embarked on a short adventure, all by myself. It was a beautiful day for a ride thru the wind farms of Taylor and Nolan counties, topped off by a late BBQ lunch at Buck's in Sweetwater. Then 150 miles later, I find myself at home and writing a blog of all things. I don't know why, but the blog begins.


I have never written my thoughts and ideas down before, probably from some deep seated insecurity about people judging me or thinking I'm stupid. I used to care a lot about what other people thought of me, until it dawned on me, other people probably do not think of me any more often than I think of them. Since I am human and selfish by nature, my thoughts are usually about me, my world, and what I like or don't as the case may be.


This blog is probably going to be a rambling mess but I hope to focus on these particular ideas and thoughts:


My relationship with God thru Jesus Christ (because I am a recovered alcoholic God, may be referred to as Higher Power, Power greater than myself, and other 12 step friendly labels. .


My beautiful wife and soulmate for these past 33 years, Kim or Maw or KatieFaye.


My daughters Kristi and Whitney and the offspring of aforementioned daughters. So far we have Benjamin, (mentioned above) but Whitney as joined the breeding club and is due to add another grandchild in July 2010.


The husbands or, babydaddies,( Jon and Jeremy) may merit mention from time to time.


My 2007 Honda VTX 1300R and the adventures it takes me on.

Enough for the first day.