What's my excuse?

Adam was henpecked, Noah was a drunk, Abraham was too old, Isaac was a dreamer, Jacob was a liar, Joseph was abused, Moses stuttered, Gideon was afraid, Samson was a womanizer, Rahab was a hooker, Jeremiah and Timothy were too young, David had an affair and was a murderer, Elijah was suicidal, Isaiah preached naked, Jonah ran from God, Naomi was a widow, Job went bankrupt, John the Baptist ate bugs, Peter denied Christ, the disciples fell asleep while praying, Martha worried about everything, Paul was a religious fanatic, and Lazarus was dead.

So now I reflect on the coulda, woulda, shouldas in my life. What kind of man do I want to be? I don't recall thinking about this at the beginning of my journey into manhood. I wish someone had given me a "boy to man" talk like Robert Duvall did in the movie "Secondhand Lions". I wish I would have listened, if the talk were given to me. I was fortunate to have a good example of what a man should be in my father. He was a hard worker, respected, honest, a loving husband and father. He wasn't much of a talker though. He was overseas during my teen years when I discovered the alcohol and drugs. But that is yesterday's news.

Beginning in those teen years, I had to be different people. The dedicated employee at work, the loving husband and father at home, the party animal with my friends, and the Christian at church. Wearing this many masks cannot be good for anyone, and it's by God's grace that I and those I love survived. I'm glad I did not have sons, as I would never want them to become the kind of man I was.

I'm told that daughters want to marry a man like their dad. Apparently my flaws were hidden well enough that they managed to marry decent young men. My Bible teaches me that we all have a purpose in this world. For a long time I was lost, kind of like a ship without a rudder. I've discovered that I need the company of good men around me, in order to become the man I want to be.

I'm really thankful for second chances and do-overs. Sobriety has given me perspective on the seasons of life and the knowledge that what's done is done, but today brings new hope and new opportunities for growth. I had no idea that life could be this good. This life is good because God is good. Today is good because God made it. I am not perfect, and based on the Bible characters in the paragraph above, nobody else is. God uses imperfect people to fulfill His perfect plan, and we all have a part and purpose in that plan. The trick, I think, to successful living lies in being willing to let go and let God use me however He wants to. I need to be honest with myself, and surround myself with good men who know me well enough to hold me accountable when I show signs of going off course.

Today is my 1,353rd day without a drink. That makes me glad.

Keep the shiney side up.

One day at a time

My Big Book tells me that my disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. As I reflect on the past 1,349 days, it occurs to me that today is all I really have. Each of us has today. Today is enough for me. Today is the first day of daylight savings time, which is the beginning of the good part of riding season. I'm not really sure what riding season is though, since I ride every day. Today I went to church and did not teach Sunday School. That was different and weird, but cool, as I had the opportunity to learn from Bishop Rob. I like learning new things. I believe that as long as I can learn something new, and unlearn something wrong that I thought was true, then I will never grow old. My body might, but I won't.

A young grandmother in our church celebrated her first year of clean and sober time. Her whole family was there. I couldn't help but notice some of the toughest men I know, (brothers of mine) weeping tears of joy along with this young woman and her family. We too know what its like to be freed from bondage, and celebrating with one another never gets old.

Rob reminded me that opportunities from God are infinite or circular, and if we miss it this time, it will come around again. There is great hope in this. I'm grateful that God allowed me to live long enough to experience sobriety. Its not that hard for me today, if I 1)pray to God, 2)go to meetings, 3)read the Good Book and the Big book, 4) Help someone else 5) oh and NOT DRINK. Then that is a succesful day.

If somehow I screw up some part of my day, today, I can simply start over. Not tomorrow, but right now. That is a part of the freedom I now enjoy. I was also reminded that we are all in, or have been, in bondage to something. Only God has the power to set us free, but since He is a gentleman, He will not take anything from us that we won't let go of.

Each day has a supply of adventures and opportunities ready for me to experience. I don't want to miss out on what God has for me by regrets of yesterday or worries for tomorrow. Life is a journey on a winding and hilly road. I don't want to miss any of it, therefore I choose to ride on thru and collect some good memories, experience, and maybe a little wisdom that can help someone else on their journey.

Keep the shiny side up.

Riding sober

When I was a little boy, motocycles were the coolest thing on the planet. Girls had not yet been invented. At the age of 15 a brand new 1970 Honda 70 became my first vehicle. A new freedom entered my life that had been a distant dream until that moment. The world of adventure was now mine for the taking. I was ready to ride from coast to coast, though I don't think I ever made it more than 5 miles past the city limit sign. The adventure doesn't have limitations like miles or weather, the adventure is the experience. If you don't ride, then you don't know.

The age of 15 was pivotal for me. In a 12 month period I discovered motorcyles, got a drivers license (motorcycle then car), discovered girls were wonderfully different creatures, discovered alcohol and drugs. I had my first job, and have been employed ever since.

In 2010 I have a Honda VTX 1300R that I rode 508 miles yesterday. I kissed the girl I discovered in 1974 before I left and upon my return. I still have a job. There has been no alcohol in me for 1,340 days in a row, and I took 2 aspirin last night. Life is a greater adventure now, more than ever.

At age 15 I was a shy skinny boy full of fear and insecurities, and felt I did not fit in, although I could act like I did. At age 54, I am a confident fat man, with little or no fear. I fit in, because I know who I am, and whose I am. I still experience fear and insecurity, but only until I remember that God is in control and is supremely trustworthy, and surender those fears to Him. Riding and God are a lot alike. If you don't ride then you don't know. If you don't know God, then you have no clue. Not everyone can or should experience the adventure and experience of the open road on a bike, but everyone should and can experience the adventure and experience of a life submitted to an awesome God who loves us more than we can possibly imagine.

Keep the shiny side up.

Practice what I teach

Christianity by its very nature should be inclusive, and not exclusive. Todays church has somehow divided itself in more ways than I would want to list. Based on what I've read and experienced of various denominations in my life, each "church" says they believe the same basic things. However in practice, not so much. This is why movements like the Walk to Emmaus are so cool because the labels come off and we are all one "body.
 It seems to me that unity in the Body of Christ begins with me and my relationship with God, thru Jesus Christ. If that relationship is on the right track, and I am seeking to live in, and do the will of God in all aspects of my life, then it follows that my family will begin to try to do the same thing. When my family becomes unified with Christ at the Head, then our position in our local church (the body of Christ)becomes affected. First affected are the people we are close to, who are striving for unity with the will of God, then the people who see God moving in our lives. Christianity is a lifestyle of attraction not promotion.

We don't need gimmicks, special programs, or taglines to "sell" the Christian lifestyle. All we really need is our story. Our story is simply how our life was before Jesus, what happened, and what it is like now. Our stories are not so much told to others, but lived out before them. There can be absolutely no arguement with what is seen in our actions. We either live what we believe, or we do not.

If I am living my life to glorify God, it is obvious. If I am living to glorify me, it is shamefully obvious. When I am worried, angry, resentful, judgemental, etc. I am demonstrating a lack of trust in a totally trustworty God. When I absolutely trust God, and allow Him to manage my life, things work out so much better. Daily, I must die to my selfish nature, and surrender to God's will. It is not a crutch or a cop out, it is claiming the promises God has for me.

The above post was written yesterday, but I wanted to sleep on it before I posted.  Yesterday was an unusual day in that I didn't screw up hardly at all.  Somehow, I nipped the selfishness, and judgementalism in the bud before it could take root.  Today went pretty good as well.  God placed a woman, fresh out of recovery in my taxi today.  She wanted to go to the liquor store, and we went.  But I think our conversation may have messed up her drinking for today. I invited her and her husband to COTR.  We shall see what unfolds.  As for me, today marks 1,336 days since my last drink.  How cool is that?

For the record, I don't actually count each day.  There is a calculator on my computer that tells me how long since my last drink.  If you are disappointed, get over it.  It's not about you.

Keep the shiny side up.

This is the Day

Today, my grandson, Benjamin celebrates his first birthday party. I'm really looking forward to it for several reasons. 1) He is a really cool baby and he loves his pappy. 2) I will be sober and interested in him, not me. 3) There will be cupcakes. 4) He is one year closer to getting the really cool toys.

At one year old, life really is all about you. If Ben could express in words, he might say " Wow, look at all of these people that are here to do for me what ever I want." And its true. There is nothing we (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles) wouldn't do for this child. How blessed he is to be so loved by so many. I think being loved makes people better looking. Benjamin is genetically predisposed to being handsome, and the amount of love surrounding him makes him shine all the more.

In this world, in this day and time, we tend to judge people by the way the look. It isn't right, but it is true. But in actuality, beauty really is "inside the skin". I know a lot of people who are unattractive by the world's standards, but are some of the most beautiful people I know. When you see someone who has taken the worst the world has to offer, who has been thru the degradation of addiction and abuse, that has chosen to let God into their lives, you are witnessing a chrysalis. The ugly duckling becomes the swan. As we learn to love, and to lose interest in selfish things, we begin to walk in the blessings God has for us. It is never too late, this side of the grave, to surrender the old and ugly, and put on the new and beautiful. God didn't make no junk, when he made each of us. He has a purpose, and part of that purpose is to love Him, receive His love, and to share that love with others.

Now, I will put on a pot of beans, eat a light lunch, ride a fine motorcycle, go to a birthday party, kiss a baby, kiss my beautiful wife, hug a bunch of family, and eat a birthday cupcake. At 1,325 days sober, it don't get much better than that. Today is the day the Lord has made, and that makes me happy.

Keep the shiny side up.

Riding Free

Today I went to "Men's group" at church. It is not Bible study, though the Bible is used. It is a time of fellowship, and a time to talk about the problems and solutions for men in today's times. I'm sure there are many other places and groups where men can come together and be honest with themselves and each other, though I've never been apart of a group like that until about 3 1/2 years ago. Funny how that time period coincides with my sobriety date. Hmmm. That is also when I began to practice rigorous honesty with myself and others. There was a time when what I said and the truth rarely met in the same statement. There is truth in the statement of Jesus that "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free". This makes me glad.

Later, after a hearty breakfast. I rode to Ballinger with a couple of friends. One of them is a "new" rider, and he is just beginning to develop his skill set. I had to remember how nervous I was when I began riding a heavy cruiser. It's way different than dirt bikes and the small street bikes of my youth. Anyway, he did just fine.

There is something about following the front tire of a powerful motorcycle that is impossible to describe to someone who doesn't ride. The sights and smells of the open road are somehow heightened, more real, and personal. We only went about 150 miles today, but the renewing of my spirit was like chains of bondage falling off of me. It is often at these times when God speaks to me. Not in audible words, but in feelings, and in unexpected sights. Like topping a hill and seeing hundreds of wind turbines as far as the horizon, with one little old time windmill standing in that forest of giants by a small stock pond, as if to say "Look at me, I am your Father. Then, I think of my Father in heaven, and how He allows me to see the works of man set in the beauty of the land He created, and know that He loved me before I was a twinkle in my daddy's eye. I have so much to be thankful for, and must always remember that God has provided me with everything I need, and pretty much all I want. He really is a cool God.

Wow, I've been sober 1,319 days, and it keeps getting better and better.

Keep the shiney side up.

I will NOT take you to the dope house!!

I don't think I mentioned in the earlier posts that I am a taxi driver/dispatcher. About 4:00 a.m. yesterday I went to pick up a customer, who "did not know the exact address" but could tell me about where the house was. The "purpose of the trip was to get his mom's cell phone charger" and bring it back home. The intersection he wanted to go to is smack dab in the middle of one of the major drug areas in town. I was barely polite when I told him that I was not going to take him to buy crack. He sincerely said that he didn't do drugs, and that he wouldn't lie about the importance of getting his mom's cell phone charger. I told him that the only activity in that neighborhood at 4:00 a.m. is illegal, and "it a'int happenin', bubba. Get out." He got.

I don't know why the drug dealers in these areas aren't hassled more by the cops. They (the dealers) are so obvious, it is pathetic. It looks just like it is portrayed on television and the movies; I kid you not.

Drugs and alcohol have destroyed more lives than probably most wars. It is not a victimless crime. I don't have a solution for the overall problem, but beginning yesterday, I will not contribute to it by taking customers to do their deals. I can and will pray for those people now and in the future.

I will, however, continue to make "beerruns", as they afford me an opportunity to share a little experience, strength, and hope that there is life after alcohol.
There are four people that I know of that have been clean and sober for over a year, that God placed in the back seat of my taxi over the past 3 1/2 years. I am thankful that God allows me to be of service to Him and those who have recovered and those that someday will, if they will become willing to "let go, and let God" do for them what they cannot do for themselves.

Today, I have been sober 1,311 days. But, who is counting.

If you love someone, and you know they have a drinking or drug problem, please don't wait for them to figure it out. By then it may be too late. Seek counsel for yourself, then confront them, calmly, honestly, and with the love you have for them. That maybe all they are waiting for. I know,it is all that I was waiting for and needing.

Thank you, Maw, for finally telling me enough was enough and I wasn't fooling anyone. If you hadn't confronted me that July 4, night in 2006, I probably wouldn't be alive to write this. I love you.

Keep the shiney side up.